::so near yet so far

almost everyday, i couldn't wait to see you. to see you somehow, in my thoughts or at night when i begin to close my eyes.
each day i am longing to see myself in front of you, saying all the long kept words in my heart, and wishing that you will understand in anyway.
how will i explain? how can you see and feel what i am saying? will you be shocked?surprised?thankful? will you answer me back and say "that's exactly the same things i wanna tell you..."

will you accept me? yes you will. but will you do the same thing they did to me? accept me today and dump me tomorrow?

or is it me who cant accept what hppened before? am i scared? am i filled with fear? yes i am. for along time, i never started.. coz i dont want us to finish. i want you to stay silently in my heart..in my whole life. for a very long time, ive been contented to just see you, laugh with you in silence, cry behind you, and watch you grow and inspire a lot of people..unconsciously inspire my life. i have found you long before everyone grab your hands. i am the first one to win you, and decided not to keep the price. at times it hurts, but ironically it fulfils every moment of my life. i did all these because i want you to stay. but im stuck, i am not moving, and so are you. because i know, it will only depend on me.

am i ready?